So I was so proud of myself today. I have been attempting housewifedom... (i know it is not a word, but for the sake of being mee....) I have been working on pajamas for my kids the last few days and I actually made progress yesterday. you know what, let me back up....
A few months ago (May I think) I found a going out of business sale at Vac-N-Sew and decided to go in. I ended up buying a sewing machine and enough material and notions to create a goal. (If I do not have a goal, I do not accomplish anything.) So I decided that if I could not make Christmas Jammies for my family by Christmas eve, I had to get rid of my machine. (If I cannot pull out the machine when I have a project in mind, I am no way going to just pull it out for the heck of it.) I have found a pattern to help me with the kids jammies and the grown up are just getting pants so it should be easy enough.
Anyhow, I have been working toward getting those sewn and yesterday I actually made progress. (You see, I have never sewn anything by machine before and I have never used a pattern by myself before. (My step mom helped me through one when I was 6, but that was a long time ago and she did most of the work.)) Oh yeah, I forgot to say that my best friend (and new neighbor) has been pregnant for some time now and her mommy came to stay with her for a while to get ready for and help take care of the baby afterward. So I decided to make use of her while she had not much else to do (hahahahaha) Eileen has been helping me find my bearings with the machine. Anyway... I got most of a pair of pants done yesterday and the really hard parts of the top. (the front panels, facings, and collar, and back panel) I was really excited.
Today I have been making Plum Jam. I have not EVER done this before. I have not EVER canned ANYTHING before. So this is very new to me as well. I hope I did a good job, but we wont know for a few weeks when it does or does not set....
Ok, so I asked Rachel (my best friend and new neighbor) to come down and be proud of me (first mistake) and then realized that I was completely interrupting her day and her plans and for no particular reason.... She did come and we didnt really have anything to talk about as my little one was wanting to be played with and her little one NEEDED to eat, so we kind of co existed for a while... (second mistake) So when she left I cannot help but think that she was feeling like she just wasted her time because she needed to get out the door. I rushed out after her and thanked her for coming and as I did, the words that came out of my mouth surprised me...
I told her that I was so appreciative for her coming to tell me that i did a good job because I wanted to hear it so badly and though my sweet husband wanted to tell me, he was not in a good mood last night (pre occupied with other disturbing things) so I didnt really get the "approval rating" that I felt like i needed...
Ok, THAT SOUNDS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE PRIDE TO ME!!!!!!! Since when do I care about an approval rating?! I started out on this hommaking journey to please GOD and be the best wife and mommy I could be. Not better than some other wife or mommy. And of course now that I realize that my motives have shifted, I look back on the last few days and notice that I have not been being a very good mommy at all. I have been making my kids "get out from under my feet, I am trying to do something!!!!" and not been paying any attention to them at all. I have NOT been trying to bring glory to GOD. No wonder I have been having so many hangups.... I have been relying on myself. I cannot do ANYTHING on my own. EVERY good and perfect gift comes from GOD!
Anyway, I am not sure what I intended to write, but I think my rant is over for now. I am going to spend some time with my LORD and pray that he fills me with his fruit. That I can then LOVE my family, find JOY in them and in the little things that I am able to do like learn to sew and can, have PEACE in my soul when the car breaks down while I am carting 5 kids under the age of 6 (like it did last night). That His fruit would show itself in PATIENCE with my 18 month old who just wants to be played with all day long and with my husband who also struggles with the complications of life. That I would still be able to show KINDNESS to my friends and neighbors even when I feel like I have nothing to draw from, and GOODNESS from deep within in situations beyond my control. That I would be blessed in such a way that I could show FAITHFULNESS to my God who really does want to bless me but i am too finite to see His plan in full. That I would be able to show GENTLENESS to my children when they need to be comforted because they have an owie that I told theme they would get if they didint stop doing what I told them not to do in the first place. And that i would show SELF CONTROL in situations that normally would warrent an all out break down...
These are the fruits of the spirit. These are the things that I lack when I do not spend time with my GOD. These are the things that my home needs to function... THE SPIRIT OF THE LIVING GOD...... I need to go be with HIM. If you have read this, please pray for me. Thank you friends.
Christina
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